Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
