guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
