I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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