i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
