I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
