I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
