So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
