well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Only a mothe r could love this liver
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
