the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
