Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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