He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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