Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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