my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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