Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
