On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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