I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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