no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
