90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
