This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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