You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
