we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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