I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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