You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
