I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
