I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
