The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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