i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
