so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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