So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
