College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I looked at my own cervix.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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