yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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