We're facebook friends in real life
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
