It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
