he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
