i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
