I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
