my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
