Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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