Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
