she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
