After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
