my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
