are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
