Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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