the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
