why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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