That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
