WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
