We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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