Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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