Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
