I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
