you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
