watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
